The Invisible Man:
This guy can't see anyone on the network. Maybe someone else can find him, maybe not. Sometimes he is the victim of faulty
hardware, but more often he is a victim of his own stubborn nature, refusing to configure all the settings he was told to
change. More often than not, he hasn't even plugged himself into the hub yet. Characteristics: Asks everyone in the room to
see if they can find his computer on the network. Will consult registry settings, star charts, and tealeaves, and everyone
else's configuration prior to checking to see if all the cables are plugged in.
Version 1.0:
Since this guy purchased his computer in 1998, he has managed to get by without downloading one patch for any of his games,
or any updated drivers for his devices. He has never even heard of Windows Update. While the effects of running Tribes 2 on
nvidia 1.3 reference drives are amusing, and a little trippy, one wonders how he plays any games released since the Reagan
Administration on such an outdated set-up. Characteristics: A variety of visual errors, random crashing. (Note, this parti-
cular lurker always owns a broadband connection, destroying the only valid excuse for not keeping a machine current.)
Red-Beard and peg-Leg:
These two guys each have several Gigabyte collections of mp3¡¦s/pr0n/warez/movies, and proceed to consume all the network's
bandwidth by sharing and transferring these treasures between each other. Characteristics: On any network through anything
less than a switch, everyone's pings approach the high 400's. Do not take any files from them that have not been thoroughly
scanned.
The Re-Installer:
For whatever reason, this guy needs to re-install Windows. Maybe he was trying a beta of Xp, perhaps he was a victim of a
Serially Transferable Disease from a bad porn viewer from the pirates, or maybe he was beta testing Xp. No one can ever
predict these things, they just happen. Characteristics: Spends most of the night watching progress meters and installing
everything else on top. Under no circumstances will he possess a valid product key for his particular version of Windows.
"10"fps:
This guy's machine was cutting edge, but its not 1998 anymore, and the system requirements have changed. You know you are in
bad shape if you are grateful for a loaner TNT card. Characteristics: Grateful for anything that can help him increase his
frame-rate or resolution. Will prove to be an expensive event, since after the LAN party he has an overwhelming urge to buy
a new machine.
The Loaner:
How anyone comes to a LAN party without bringing a computer, I don't know. Nevertheless, he is here, and needs help if he is
going to enjoy himself. However, in a large enough group there is usually someone extreme enough to bring two computers, just
in case. Characteristics: Needs to learn all games from scratch. Has no concept of mouselook, or any knowledge of the games.
The Specialist:
You know the type. They can totally dominate in one or two games, but go any further, and they end up going home crying for
mommy. Tries to insist on only playing the games they are good at. If there are teams, they will usually try to setup an
entire scheme around 3 experienced guys versus 5 others, 3 of which are of The Loaner classification (What's the button to
shoot?), 1 of the Lap-Dancer (This is running too slow!), and 1 guy who actually knows what he's doing, but is not good
enough in this particular game to stand a chance against the other team.
Will spend most of the night getting pissy because everyone else has vetoed their two games, after they tried to talk smack.
Eventually tries to fake being apologetic, tries to ask if they can play another round of 'their game'. By the end of the
night all of the others want to snap their neck. They usually travel in pairs, or small herds.
The Jack-of-all-Trades
These are usually pretty cool guys. They've usually at least got basic knowledge of most games, or can pick it up fairly
quickly. The kind of guy you don't mind having on your team, and doesn't talk smack unless appropriate smack talking
ownage levels have been completed. The elite of this species are sometimes known to have telepathic abilities, as can be
occasionally seen when they and their teammates start tearing it up without having communicated once the entire game.
Every LAN party needs a few of these. Unfortunately, it is sometimes very difficult to get enough of these types of players.
Additionally: Their computer knowledge powers receive a +2 bonus at LAN parties.
Epic Gamers:
A couple of guys who sit around and play massive strategy games with each other for hours, insisting on playing
the largest map available. They will play each other in total silence, perhaps taking time out to ask the other players if
they have encountered anyone yet, or to tell everyone that their creature just made another poo.
Batman and Robin:
the two guys - who no-one knows - who, while the 30 you you decide to play counterstrike - decided that they are above such
immature displays of violence, and decide to use your network to play diablo 2 (or some other game that ddoesn't support many
people) for 8 hours. The two people are always sitting next to each other, and could very well be using a netywork at home to
do this. Both will wear unremovable head phones to isolate them from everything else, however, this will not stop them from
yelling 'HAVE YOU FOUND THE STONE OF DRAGOS YET?' at five-minutly intervals.
Sparky:
This guy's monster system with dual overclocked processors, SCSI RAID and 21" monitor is impressive, but on start-up
threatens to single-handedly bring down the entire power grid as his 40 case fans spool up. Characteristics Case is exposed
to allow for maximum cooling creating massive amounts of background noise. Fortunately it is often drowned out by the
Audiophile's speaker system, as they are invariably sitting next to each other.
The pacifist:
A chronically poor gamer who seeks the reassurance of playing others in coop mode over getting his ass handed to him in a
modern Free For All. This person is often under the impression that over half a dozen people desperately trying to bag
themselves something larger than an enforcer in a thrice cleared Quake II map is anything other than annoying.
The L337 Haxor:
He has Lunix, FreeBSD, OpenBSD, BeOS (and any other obscure OS for that matter) installed and claims he only has Windows
around to be able to play games on LAN parties. He never play games otherwise, or so he says. Dedicated servers should always
be run on his unix box (so he can telnet in from 2 meters away and administrate it), because it's better.
Whenever you aren't playing games, he will quickly boot back to his *real* OS and start launching all the cool programs he
installed from his Red Hat CD. He may try to impress you by showing you how he uses 3 windows manages at the same time
togheter with his "10" xterms linked toghether to form a telnet irc network, just so he can get "more work done more quickly".
Whatever you do, ignore him, and he will hopefully leave you alone. If he realizes you are slighty interested in the stuff he
do he will terrorize you during the entire LAN with newbie lunix questions he didn't bother to learn because - everyone
knows - only newbies read howtos
The Window Shopper:
Upon seeing the display of various hardware in front of them, start going around to all the systems checking out the
differences between them Characteristics: Want to know specifically what components you have, where they could buy them, and
what your 3dMark2k1 scores were.
The Team Captain:
Upon entering the party, this person's goal is to have everyone playing the same game. Will go to the extreme lengths of
scheduling play time for particular titles. Characteristics: Bald spots from pulling his hair out, an addiction to antacids,
and a clip board will be present on all Team Captains. (Note, under no circumstances will he start a game with enough open
spots for all players.)
ULpB:
Ultra Low-ping Bastard insists on hosting every game demanding that 0 ping to everyone else's "10", fearing what will happen if
he plays on an even ground with other players. Characteristics: Will sabotage dedicated servers, and make every excuse
possible for starting the game.
The Ex-Gamer:
This gamer no longer actively games, but still hangs out at LAN parties because he or she is a total dork. This gamer usually
has a sweet setup at home but is too lazy to tear it all down to bring to a lan party. He is out of touch with the cutting
edge, but has substantial knowledge of "the scene" one or two years ago. Characteristics: Like "The Loaner", this gamer will
not bring a computer, but is distinguished by advanced historical knowledge of gaming. Often found fixing "The Invisible Man"
and "Version 1.0" in return for playtime, or whining about how "all new games suck"
The Spoiler:
This individual is sent by the evil powers of the dark force, if not satan himself. He will sit in his dark corner and try to
kill the fun with various trojans (netbus, bo, sub7..), flooders and russian viruses. Never trust him. Always set up complex
biospasswords and lock your floppydrive to protect your system while you are on the toilet.
The Ingame Old Testiment God:
This nefarious deviant knows all his Quake Engine console commands off the back of his heart, and if he can't find the one he
needs, there's always /cvar_list to be played with. He doesn't care whether he's server or client, since he'll just rcon the
server with his "Jedi Gravity Trick". Characteristics: Can get pretty bored of playing a straight game, and goes all out
crazy messing with game speeds and physics the moment he feels he's been fragged too often. His catchphrase is
'alias +grav "sv_gravity -"10"0; echo I hope you're hiding under a rock!" alias -grav "sv_gravity "10"00; wait; gravity 800"
binf mouse 1 +grav'
The Lap-Dancer:
This fellow uses noTHING BUT A LAptop. Ever. No matter what else he has, he will ONLY bring a laptop, then bitch and moan
that his screen isn't big enough, that his mouse doesn't work right, that his keyboard sucks, anything that could be fixed
- if he didn't have a damned laptop. Characteristics: Will play every game at really low resolution, then complains that the
screen is ugly. Takes up very little space, however, and will be content to sit in the darkest little corner.
The Gambler:
A power player who is so convinced that he is the GREATEST pLAYER OF ALL TIME that he will try and settle any bet... based on
a computer game. Do not make bets with this person, because he will weasel out and make you fight him, which usually ends in
you giving this bastard money. Will try to settle debts this way too (I once had a friend who owed me $5. He dared me to go
double or nothing against him on Half-Life. pussy.). Characteristics: A high-quality gamer, but sticks mainly to FpS's.
Anything else, and he's pretty much toast. How does he get this level of computer game skills, however? Any money he makes
goes immediately to a new computer game. Invariably has a library of literally thousands of games. A good addition to the LAN
party atmosphere, because everyone gangs up on him, outside of his wagers.
The Sleeper:
What's the key to a great lanparty? Minimal amount of downtime. Usually, this can be achieved by taking a short nap once or
twice. But no, he must continue playing... and playing... until everyone is playing but him. Characteristics: Will keep
playing and playing until he literally collapses. You can tell he's getting tired when he asks everyone to play some D&D
instead of more computer games. Refuses to sleep when the others are, because that is weakness. He is a dangerous person
- when you're asleep, he'll set your homepage to www.goatse.cx, and bind /kill to every damned key. Be warned.
Adminboy:
Despite the fact that everybody uses a slightly lower version of [insert game here], Adminboy will insist that the version
be upgraded on EVERY computer, and then that people make sure they have ALL the mods. In order to save time, Adminboy will
not use the patch installer, but manually copy all files from CD -> pC - while quite computer literate, this takes a good
while, because Adminboy will always miss certain files, eventually running the patch installer. Characteristics: he is asian
Mr WTF:
when instructed to do things like upgrade the version of [insert game here], Mr WTF doesn't know what to do - he will just
sit around, and curse at everybody when he is unable to connect to the network
The NoShower:
This guy sets up his computer, then goes home for dinner or something, comes back the next morning, tries to install a
network card, fails, whines, waits for Ex-Gamer to help him out.
Borrows a NIC and wire, then plays for an hour before his dad comes and picks him up.
He makes really weird faces and tries to manually look around corners while playing fps games.
The porn Baron:
Comes along with a second pC filled up with porn from DppH. Set's up a leech FTp and expect people to upload
to, but of course they dont.
Characteristics: Me, With my laptop.
The LAN Girl:
Wow! Females at a LAN party. There are usually 2 types, the active and the passive. The active type are the ones who don't
mind mingling with geeks, and actually enjoys a few rounds of counterstrike.
The passives are ones who only come along because there boyfriend is here. They usually get bored very quickly. Sometimes
they try play CS or UT but say "Uhh, this sucks" and leaves soon after.
The No-pay attention guy:
This is the person who while setting up/breaking down their pC will inadvertantly end up taking something of YOURS and
switching off the power/disconnecting you in the process.
Characteristics: Usually a kid who doesn't pay attention and doesn't care.
The bandwidth stealer:
This guy NEEDS the internet, and in the process ends up eating every bite of the 56k line the LAN party is using to connect
to the outside world
The Console Gamer:
This guy is dedicated to the cause of consoles. He'll play computers every so often, but nothing to him is as joyous as a
4-way Bond or pD match, or a huge ass Tekken tournment. Characteristics: Will forsake other games like HL for console games.
Is insanely good at them - often seen beating people in a 3 on 1 bond match, without taking a kill. Unfortunately, his
skills do noT translate into top-notch pC skills. Usually a Jack of All Trades on the pC.
The AzN GaNgSta:
*plays no other game but motherfucking counter-strike
*talks in AlTeRnAtInG Capz
*HUGE trash talker even if they suck
*tries to act ghetto but still looks like hes from the suburbs
*will start fights with whoever kills them
*will start fights with whoever looks at them
*will start fights if you accidently bump into them
*will start fights if you laugh at them after knifing them in counter-strike
*will start fights if they have thier 5 other friends with them
*will start fights if (insert stupid fucking reason here)
The Keyboarder:
*has never heard of mouselook ever
*whines alot when getting killed
*causes uncontrollable laughter between everyone else watching him try desperatly to turn
*talks trash if they manage to kill you with thier shotgun/blaster/default weapon when you accidently wander by with 5
health
Before a game, the Attention Span Kid will excitedly talk about strategies, how great the game will be, etc. Approximately
"10" seconds into the game, or when they die (whichever comes first), they will go out for a cigarette break, walk around and
not come back to their computer, or get abducted by aliens. At every opportunity, this person will leave their computer,
sometimes mid-game if they are on your team and you need help.
The Clan:
This is the bunch of guys who take CS TOO SERIOUSLY! They each get their own T-Shirts printed up with the clan logo, and
their nickname, and they all bunch together in their xenophobic group (just incase anyone hears their strategy!)
Characteristics: Wearing their T-Shirts and living in their own corner
Talkbox:
Constantly talks, especially about action going on ingame, when it's clear to everyone else what's happening. "WHOA!!! I JUST
DODGED THAT ROCKET BY THIS MUCH!" "Hey, watch out dude, he's coming at you with a bunch of mammoth tanks" and you're like,
yeah, that's why there's a huge red mass moving on my radar.
"HEH, I took care of him good, huh?" "You just got owneded!" "Bogey on my 6. I can't shake him! Help me out here guys"
Also by talking very loudly to his teammates, the other team can figure out exactly where he and his team are. "I'm at the
crates! I'll defend the bomb here while you go after the CT's"
All without in game chat.
Characterstics: Has a mouth, although you wish you had a baseball bat to fix that.
Tha pornmazta
This guy thinks that porn is the greatest invention ever, but unfortunately he has no hdd space to store it on. So he sits
the entire LAN just streaming porn from somebody else and watching it with a stupid look on his face, leaving his computer
every once in a while to "umm, go take a whiz". All this streaming will of course eat bandwidth like there's no tomorrow,
so you can often hear cries of "fucking hell, stop looking at porn you fucking asshole" from other LAN-goers.
Characteristics: Only has 4.3 gb hdd, or has a large hdd that is filled with something else.
The one-day wonder
This guy shows up late on the first night of a three-day LAN, sits all night playing and leaves the next morning. He will
make a mess in the kitchen for the others to clean up.
Characteristics: Always ready with his cellphone to coordinate his pick-up.
The tech-support guy
This guy knows everything about a certain something and must therefore spend 90% of his time helping newbies set up said
thing. This could be anything from FDISK to Lunix to Counter-Strike.
Characteristics: His monitor will always display a windows desktop, he never gets a chance to load any games.
Benchmark boy
This guy has only one purpose in life: to have the highest score in every benchmark program known to man. Therefore he can
never run any games because the experimental super alpha drivers he uses to get .00001 extra point in 3Dbench 2k will crash
his computer hard if he tries. Not that he has any games though, his hard drive is filled to the brim with different graphs
and annotations so that he remembers every benchmark he's ever run.
Characteristics: He will stand in the door and ask everyone for their 3dmark scores when they come in. He will also
desperatly try to set up some sort of a benchmark competition to prove himself.
The Schizo
The completely unpredictable and fucking insane guy at the party. His rig is always a Frankenstein monster that
theoretically should not be able to exist. He'll blabber on about how his rig works better than "any piece of shit" talked
about on Ananadtech. If you try to get within touching distance of his computer, just to figure out how he's set the damn
thing up, he'll start screaming. If he even thinks that someone's peeping at his screen, he'll start ranting about aliens
watching him. Completely fucking off his nut.
Characteristics:
* Uses an insane control configuration, such as joystick+gamepad, for everything. Keys are never mapped logically.
* Can be seen working on a Geocities site about government conspiracies during LAN downtime.
* Never downloads porn, claiming that "it's for the wicked."
* Will randomly talk about some novel that he's working on.
* Has a Liberal Arts degree.
* Never shaves or gets haircuts.
Ebola Zaire Man:
This idiot never bathes or exercises, and is quite serious when he says, "Sun? I know no sun." Thus, he's a walking haven of
pestilence, carrying every disease known to man and some that aren't. He continuiously claims to be "OK" even when chunky
blood is spurting out of his nose. Unfortunately, everybody else is too polite to tell him to fuck off, or maybe they're
afraid that he'll get near them in retailiation.
Characteristics:
* You can smell him coming.
* His entire rig is coated in a black, gelatinous substance of some sort. His mouse makes squishy sounds.
* He refuses to die, even though half of his face shears off and pours onto the floor in the middle of the party.
* Is quite possibly a zombie or a ghoul. If he starts hungering for brains or flesh, pray that someone nearby has a shotgun.
The Fruit:
He comes in with a spiffy rig with a neon-encrusted custom case, a real glam outfit, and introduces himself as "Cliffy B."
Is super-duper fruity, but he owns you at Unreal Tournament for some reason, especially if he's using the snot gun.
Characteristics:
* He drives a real nice car and he has a monster rig that's heavier than he is due to its being a disco inside. Hundreds of
hours were spent to make his case what it is.
* Has hacked all of his games to play Erasure and Depeche Mode Mp3s.
* His fashion sense is that of a 70s pimp, even though he's mo' cracka than Wheat Thins, yo.
* Shatters people's conception of their own sexuality.
* Shatters people's conception of his sexuality when he reveals that his 72GB U160 SCSI-3 13K RpM drive is filled with
high-quality het and lesbo pron, including a large selection of DiVX hentai and Japanese schoolgirl gangbang pron.
Claims to have several dozen pirated DVDs full of "more of the same".
* Forestalls any and all game playing while everybody else desperately tries to d/l his pron.
The Minuteman:
During a 3 day party, this guy brings a kick-ass rig, and a few switches to get rid of the hubs in the network, and really
gets the party kicking... for about 2 hours. He then either has to work or has to go spend time with some women with whom
he'll never get head, and so he takes his rig and his equipment with him, leaving the LAN worse off.
The Little Brother:
This is (obviously) the little brother of the guy who's running the LAN party, and so thinks he has some sort of immortality.
Will whine like a bitch in heat if he's losing. Especially fun to watch if you kick his ass early in a game of Worms
Armageddon.
The Motherfucker That Looks At Your Screen:
you notice this fucker constantly glancing at your moniter the entire time your playing
all of a sudden...
him: TERRORIST COMING UNDER BRIDGE
(5 grenades fly down under bridge turning you into a pile of gibs)
you:...
him: AHAHA YEA
(repeat until youve had enough and you shove his head into the moniter)
Our Fearless Leader:
This is the guy who lives to be in control. Unfortunately for you and everyone else at the LAN, he's decided to fufill these
urges noW. He constantly tries to dictate how things will be run, what games will be played and so forth. What's worse
however is if you made the mistake of inviting him into the clan you just made up. HE noWS RULES THE CLAN. He'll decide who
goes in and make up 'ranks' for everyone and even though you came up with the idea, you'll be a 'lieutenant' while he's a
'general' or something like that. And being much braver online than in real life, he'll eventually piss off some ex marine
soo much (I'm kicking you out of the clan loser! etc etc) that said ex marine will show up at the LAN and generally try to
kill our fearless leader. Also, every girlfriend he's ever had he met on the Internet. And they're big fat ugly chicks.
And he likes to make out with them in public at the LAN. And threaten to turn everyone in for software piracy. Which is why
you hang up on him every time he tries to call you.
old tech guy:
This guy looks too old to know what a computer is, and way too old to want to play games, he has a pretty shit set up and
doesn't do anything much apart from switch it on then go around thinking he can help everyone get up and running, and fucks
their computer in the process
The Ultra Gamer:
This guy does not do anything else but game. He does not trade files, or even talk to other people. He just has 1 game
installed on his computer, nothing else, and plays that game the ENTIRE TIME. Sure, the gaming is the point, but after 5
straight hours and everyone wants to chill for a sec and trade files or something, he gets mad.
Characteristics: His computer is completely barren, besides the 1 game he has installed.
The File King
All this guy wants to do is leech, he doesn't have time to play games, he just wants to leech and lag the network.
Characteristics: Huge harddrive filled with enough shit that he couldn't even possibly hope to look at in his lifetime
Jukebox:
The dude that starts up winamp and leaves it looping forever, usually at a volume high enough to drown out all nearby sound.
Also sometimes leaves his computer for extended periods of time with the volume all the way up, and when he comes back and
someone turned off his speakers he goes ballistic and threatens to kill everyone around him.
Chatty Bitch:
Usually has at least mIRC, ICQ, AIM, and some obscure messaging service active at the same time and chatting to 7 different
people. Feels the need to tell whoever is around them about all their wacky IRC antics. Gets bitchy if the internet
connection goes down for any length of time.
The Drunk:
This guy stumbles into the place shouting about God knows what, and feels the urge to frequently leap on people and bearhug
them - whilst they are playing games, causing much coffee-spillage and ruffled and annoyed gamers. He will then alternate
between chatting inanely to anyone nearby, and leaping around the room like an autistic child knocking everything over.
If you eventually get him in front of a pC, he will become just like Mr Talkbox. But 5 times louder. The horror...
Electromagnet Man:
His monitor or some device on his computer creates a huge em disturbance whenever turning it off or on or using to a large
extent. Anyone within a 12 foot radius of his device has to degauss his own monitor and suffer through static on their
headphones.
The Janitor:
Insists that EVERYONE run disk cleanup, then scandisk, then defrag, then set up all kinds of optimizations on swap files and
drive caches so that the entire group doesn't get lagged down by one little HpB.. thinking 30ms is high ping
Jesus Christ, the Second Coming:
Being humble (or not having much money to spend on hardware, which is ok; none of us are tycoons), his system doesn't run
most of the games anyone else wants to play. It doesn't really matter though, because they're "too violent and hateful."
He of course hates "Sin" and thinks that even Transport Tycoon is a game all about greed. He doesn't collect porn or warez,
since it's not right. He works on his religious website in his downtime, and is content to play single-player or networked
tetris. If you sit him down with Black & "white", however, prepare to get owned.
Characteristics:
Long hair, he is often a black carpenter.
The Shitbox:
Will bring an old p2-300 with 64mb of RAM and their on-board pOS motherboard video card. Hilarity ensues as Giants will
suddenly become a see-thru world and the fps in Half-Life never goes above 20. Their monitor, without fail, will not support
anything greater than 800x600; this is irrelevant, however, as the vid card will struggle to maintain 640x480 at 256 colors.
Characteristics:
Bitches about how he lost the life/game/base because the computer was so bogged down he couldn't do anything.
Sadly, this is usually true. Stares wistfully at the other computers.
The Fanatic:
There are of course those who excel at a couple games and suck at all others. Then there are those who play only ONE game,
insisting it's the best that ever was and will be, and only at the threat of violence play anything else. They suck at all
games except their chosen game, and they often suck at that one, too. Often speaks only in terms relating to their game,
example: "Man, a horde of Zerglings would take down your sorry RA mammoth tanks so fast..." or "I could own those pussies
with a good AWM"
Characteristics: Often possesses far too much merchandise emblazoned with logo/title. Favorites/bookmarks will consist almost
solely of forums and fansites relating to said game. If game in question is StarCraft, may be Korean.
Double Newbies
It takes two to make this sinister pair: The newbie and the super-newbie. The newbie owns the computer and has a passing
interest in Quake. The super-newbie played Tomb Radier 3 once, and was convinced to come along by the other guy because he
made it sound super-fun. Both will guffaw every time they get fragged, if they even realise it's happened. They usually have
the best monitor.
Characteristics:
Always going by the name of "player", can often be seen walking into walls, firing once, then spending 5 minutes turning on
the spot. Everyone else quickly tires of using them as a punching bag and just ignores the poor fools. Usually quite polite,
gush about how they've had the greatest time ever, it's a pity one or both of them have all the personality of sauerkraut.
Hall of Horrors
Sorta like the Shitty computer guy just mentioned, only on a software level. Runs Windows with all manner of ungodly
shareware in the system tray. Has about 12MB free on his hard disk(s). Dialog boxes pile up when the thing is turned on.
System will crash regularly with bizzarre behaviour that even the Tech sitting next to him hasn't even seen before. Error
messages are so exotic they attract others present, perhaps prompting one to call a priest as half the display disappears or
turns green.
Characteristics:
Identified by the constant Windows error sound emitting from his speakers like a sonar. Occasionally, miraculously, gets
games running and connects to servers, but after a minute the devils inside his computer cause his ping to stay fixed at 540.
BONUS pOINTS: If his mere presence crashes other computers.
HUMUNGO supER EXtrA FAMILY "10"0% pOINTS: If anyone can fix the machine without resorting to the use of fire.
The psychic
Whenever you start up a game, even if you dont even tell anyone about it, he will join. Once in, he will remain perfectly
silent, neither tpying anything in game or saying anything in real life. He can geneally be seen staring at his monitor the
entire time with headphones on.
The Hoarder
They never delete anything, trying as hard as possible to keep everything on their comp in case they may at some stage need
it. Generally the comp is extremely disorganised, with everything being saved into seemingly random folders, and often files
are seen saved directly onto the desktop or c drive. Often has files that they have absolutly zero use for, such as numerous
shortcuts to c: drive within the c: drive, or patches and cracks to games they dont own. Cannot format due to the fear that
they will lose everything. Despite all this, their computer still manages to run.
I see dead pCs!:
Has a well-specced machine that should in theory run like a dream, but for some reason has unexplained errors and crashes
all the time. Tech Guy spends at least 2 hours trying to fix it but spend most of his time scratching his head as even he's
not seen something this weird before. Even stranger, his mere presence cause other machines to start exhibiting unusual
behaviour like defaulting to 640x480 after exiting winamp. The reason for this is he is cursed with negative-computer energy,
capable of bring down the cleanest of installs with a glance or touch. Characteristics - Says he is surprised Tech Guy hasn't
seen these problems before, he sees them all the time.
The Nutbars:
The guys who sit over in one corner doing weird shit all nite long. If someone is playing cs with only a knife or 5-7,
photoshopping their heads onto baboons, or cranking godawful Indiapop while playing, it's these guys. Characteristics: Will
spend a lot of time discussing the genius of Wesley Willis and Daler Mendhi in team chat instead of actually playing.
Usually have wallpapers dedicated to strange things like plumbing supplies.
Clan 2.0:
Like the clan, but taking xenophobia to the next level. They will use codewords or numbers for map specific strategies that
they've spent hours upon hours perfecting. If at all possible, they will all bring extra long cat5 and extension cords, so
that they can all lock themselves into a broom closet, lest other lan party goers discover their l33t tactics.
Characteristics: Clan 2.0 will use Roger Wilco at all times, regardless of if the game they are playing has built in VON
capability, or if they are sitting next to each other.
All Clan 2.0 members will:
1. Have hideously overdone tags.
2. Spend 75% of their time talking about how their clan '0\/\/NZ j00'.
3. Shout about how they own you every time one of them gets lucky and kills you.
4. Have at least a dozen hilarious variations of 'Clan Name 0wns your sorry ass' bound to hotkeys.
"mr. four way":
Complete idiot and danger to himself and others, plugs his four way into my four way, plus his friends four way into his
four way, plugs another friends four way into that fourway etc etc, doesn't tell you he' done that and knows damn fine
theres enough plugs for them to plug their own four ways into. Everyones computer gets really fucking hot and burn my
graphics card, then complains when I have to leave early, pull my four way out the wall and cut off the power to about 8
other people.
characterestics:BLIND-COS THEY CAN'T READ 'DO noT EXCEED 13AMpS' and go ahead and drain about 2400W and 80amps of the one
socket!